Two Dogs too Many- Fur Real

We are a two dog household.  A two Golden Retriever household, to be more accurate.  If you know anything about dogs, your first thought should be- wow, that's a lot of fur.  If you have any doubts about the veracity of that statement, let me move my refrigerator for you.  Our morning ritual includes each spouse taking turns standing spread eagle in front of the other, rotating slowly like a pig on a spit while the other spouse, the "spotter" if you will, watches carefully for conspicuous dog hairs, armed with a lint roller.  If only I could knit, I could knit quilts from the collection of fur in the lint trap of my dryer.  I seriously believe it is a fire hazard.  My two daughters, ages one and three understand the danger of dropping food on the floor in our house.  There is sort of an order of operations for dealing with this type of potential tragedy:

1. Your best bet is to throw yourself, like a selfless solider onto a live grenade,  as quickly as possible onto the floor on top of the aforementioned treat. It doesn't matter what it is- if it is edible, it is in danger. 
2. Assuming you beat the dogs to the morsel in question, maintain your defensive position on top of the item until someone, your wing man, if you will, can pull the dogs away. 
3. As you begin to lift your body off the item, stay alert.  These dogs are not above feigning defeat only to turn on you as soon as your guard is down. 
4. As soon as the item is visible beneath you, make your move.  Cup your hand over the item until you can maneuver enough to maintain a firm grasp.  As soon as possible fully grasp the item.
5. This step is optional, depending on the nature of the treat.  As necessary, peel or scrape the item from your clothing.  This step, for example, would not be necessary for say, an M&M, but might be required for your standard marshmallow.
6. Hold the morsel in good light and squint to bring any fur on the item into sharp focus. 
7. Decide, based on a rough parts per million estimate, whether the item is worth salvaging. It is worth including several variables in the calculation including relative availability of the item (ie the Godiva versus Snickers assumption) and the ease with with an item could be purged of dog fur by an easy method such as a quick rinse in the sink (ie malted milk ball; yes, ice cream cone ; no). 

I like to think of these as basic survival skills that my kids are learning that will continue to benefit them throughout their lives.  It is, however, somewhat embarrassing, when your kid drops a bagel in the Starbucks's and reflexively throws themselves on top of it.  Or, when they triumphantly recover an item while a guest in a pet-free environment, such as the local pizza place and announce "Look, no fur!"

Maybe someday we will get one of those hypoallergenic dogs, the kind that don't shed.  Or a nice turtle.  Until then, just let me know if you're interested in a dog fur quilt.